It has been an amazing journey for me to travel down their TUT journey over the past year. It has been awesome to SEE the amazing growth in these two special women both within themselves as well as in their photography. If I remember correctly (?) we had to choose either photograph or post and for me without a doubt Mariette's best post was in week 38 that did it for me - the theme was Hair. So that you can see what I mean I have actually duplicated the post here so you can read through it - but first here is the photo;
The week has been pretty tough in that I have been asked twice (by two different professionals) if my husband and I have given any thought about secondary schools for our daughter Maxine. What made it especially hard for me is that the sentiment seems to be that Maxine might be better off in a special school, as opposed to a mainstream school, because of her learning difficulties.
Until now, Trevor and I have always maintained that we wanted to keep Maxine within a mainstream environment (with support), both hoping the gap between her and her peers would close, because she is such a clever little girl.
But it hasn't...it's gotten wider over the years. So we are having to re-think everything now.
I carry so much guilt about Maxine......I think because she loooks so much like me, so I have always felt it was me and my genes that caused hers to have a 'blip'. In looking at pictures, here is one of her....you can see the resemblance to me above.
And having to make a decision about special or normal school is hard for me because she is just 'Maxine' to me...perfect just as she is.
The other thing about 'hair' is that I have a lot of it (so does Maxine...sorry girl!). I am VERY grateful though, that it is fair, so you don't notice quite how hairy my arms / face is until the sun catches them at a funny angle. My eyebrows and lashes have always been blonde.....without mascara, it looks like I don't have any eyelashes at all.
(Getting back to the love-hate relationship with my hair, I remember trimming my eyelashes in primary school because I thought they were too long.....how daft can one be?!!!!)
And, like the wash-and-dry approach I have to hair, equally I can't be bothered with much make-up....mascara and eye-liner is 'it' on a normal day (not even lipstick).
But I have come to like my eyes, and 3 years ago I decided that I was going to start having my lashes and brows tinted and shaped regularly.....and I have stuck to it, and intend to continue doing so.
I don't get much time for myself, so it is one of the few things I force myself to do, to remind myself that I am worth something, even when it feels like everything is out of control some days.
My final picture is of Maxine and I, taken last year September.
You will have to pop by to Mariette's blog to check the photos! I want to say Thank you to Pam, Linda and Marriette for including me in this part of their journey! Little did we know a few weeks ago how important it would be for me to be forced to look in the rearview mirror so to speak! For this exercise I decided to go right back to the beginning and started at their first TUT post. It was so amazing to literally see these women blossom - from their very first blog post - short and sweet - to see their photography skills develop and mature into their own styles before my very eyes - but more importantly to see how they connected as friends and women, mothers and girlfriends. I must say a big THANK YOU to Andrea for originally inviting me to be part of the journey. I miss you partner - I need you back!
When I started with TUTT(+1) I couldn't post so copied all my 2005 + 2006 blogposts into a desktop publishing programme so that I could prepare it for printing. I hope all you ladies are going to have your blogs printed - it is such an amazing journey to record for generations to come. Thank you for making me look back in my own rear view mirror over such a terrible time. It has been a godsend. I am picking myself up one step at a time, it just hurts so much! But Pam is perfectly right - Meagan still needs me - possibly more now than ever before AND she is only doing what she has seen before - pioneering women! Our relationship just needs to change slightly - I need to let her fly and test her wings - I need her to know that I am there to catch her fall (if she does!), I need to stand proud that she is such a lovely woman and let her bloom on her own. GULP - it's hard - I hope that someone else out there that needs to boost will one day stumble on my blog and learn from me like I have learnt from all of you!
Keep up the good work Ladies - you are all STARS!
Hugs
Me
x
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